I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
