Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
