it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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