I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
