Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
