you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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