Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
