I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
