fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
