i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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