Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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