There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
