Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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