I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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