We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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