Tell her she can't have a vagina
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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