My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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