lets start a swedish sibling band together
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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