Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
