what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So much rum. So many feels.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
