if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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