..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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