Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
