Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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