theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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