Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
