guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
