There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
