I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
