I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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