there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
