it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
