you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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