he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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