The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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