Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
