I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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