I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
