hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
