im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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