Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
