I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
