I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
