My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
