my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
