I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
