Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
