just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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