I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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