I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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