You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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