Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
