Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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