Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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