I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
