I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
