Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
