I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
